A Story About Friendship (and Why It Hurts a Little): My Friends by Fredrik Backman
This book does exactly what the title promises: it’s about people. About relationships.
It’s not about the easy kind of friendships, the idealized kind, but the complicated, messy versions most of us recognize. The kind where people misunderstand each other, hurt each other, and still, somehow, stay.
I found myself comforted, envious, and slightly called out while reading it.
Because Backman has a way of making characters feel so real that you don’t just observe them, you recognize them. And sometimes, uncomfortably, you recognize yourself.
What surprised me most, though, was not just the emotional impact. I knew that was a given from what people have said about the book.
It was the language.
On the surface, it is simple. Almost casual. But underneath, there is a clear rhythm — repetition, variation, small shifts in familiar phrases. Backman takes everyday language and turns it slightly, just enough that it lands differently. At times, it almost reads like poetry. Not because it is complicated. But because it is precise.
Below are some things I think writers can learn from it.
Letting Friendship Carry the Story
This is not a plot-driven novel. It is a character-driven one. In my opinion, those are the best ones. (And also the most dangerous — because you end up caring.)
The emotional core of the story is friendship — and not in a polished, idealized way. These relationships are flawed, complicated, and at times frustrating. That is exactly what makes them feel real.
Backman allows the story to unfold through the dynamics between characters rather than through external events.
Writer takeaway:
If you want readers to care, let relationships carry the weight of the story. Plot matters, but people matter more.
Making Simple Language Feel Like Poetry
Backman’s writing is often described as simple. I don’t think that’s quite right. It is controlled.
He builds rhythm through repetition, reshapes familiar phrases, and creates patterns that give the prose a poetic quality, without ever becoming complex or heavy.
This makes the language feel effortless, even though it clearly isn’t.
Writer takeaway:
Simple language does not mean uncrafted language. Rhythm, repetition, and small shifts in familiar phrases can create depth without adding complexity.
Writing Characters Who Feel Uncomfortably Real
Backman does not shy away from showing characters at their worst. People make poor choices. They misunderstand each other. They act in ways that are frustrating, even hurtful.
And yet, they remain understandable. Which is both impressive and, at times, slightly uncomfortable.
That balance between frustration and empathy is what makes the characters feel real.
Writer takeaway:
Allow your characters to be flawed. If readers can understand why they act the way they do, they don’t have to like them to believe in them.
Letting Emotion Build — and Land
The emotional impact in this novel is not immediate. It builds. Through small moments. Through repetition. Through patterns that slowly reinforce what is at stake.
And then, at certain points, it lands.
For some readers, this will feel powerful. For others, it may feel a bit too carefully orchestrated.
Either way, it is clearly intentional. Backman doesn’t just hope you feel something — he makes sure you do.
Writer takeaway:
Emotional impact often results from accumulation. Repetition and pattern can prepare the reader for moments that need to land.
Using Structure to Deepen Understanding
The novel moves between perspectives and timelines, gradually revealing more about the characters and their relationships. This allows the reader to see events from different angles and to revise their understanding as the story unfolds.
It also reinforces one of the book’s core ideas: that people are more complex than they first appear.
Writer takeaway:
Structure can be used to control what the reader knows — and when. This can deepen both character and theme.
So, Would I Recommend It?
Yes.
This is not a book you read for plot. You read it for the people — and for how uncomfortably real they feel.
If you enjoy character-driven stories, emotional depth, and writing that feels simple but carefully crafted, there is a lot to appreciate here.
For me, what stayed was not just the story. It was the feeling of having spent time with people who felt real. People I would love to meet in person. (And possibly avoid, depending on the day.)
And that, perhaps, is what Backman does best.
This is part of my ongoing series of craft-focused book reviews for writers.